bad day at work

yetix · 04-10-2003, 06:10 PM

damn is it Friday yet?

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy:
> >
Rob is a commercial saturation diver. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to Laughline, who was sponsoring a "worst job experience" contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for 2 days because my butthole was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work,
think about how much worse it would be if...
you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt!!!

Winged_Nazgul · 04-10-2003, 06:43 PM

OMFG!!! I have tears right now. I'll never complain about my job ever again.

Đemðlitiðn_Man · 04-10-2003, 07:09 PM

Oww that sounds like a really bad day...

Golan · 04-10-2003, 07:19 PM

Haha, that's funny. This reminds me of something I saw a while ago about an insurance claim form. Anyway I found it again and here it is.....

This is a copy of an alleged letter written to an insurance company that
wanted a complete explanation from an injured man who had explained what
happened with the words "lost presence of mind".

"I'm a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working
alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I had completed my
work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather
than carry the bricks down by wheelbarrow, I decided to lower them in a
barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building at
the sixth floor.

"Securing the rope at ground level, I went back up on the roof, swung
the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went back to the
ground floor and untied the rope, holding it tightly to assure a slow
descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block 11 of the
accident reporting form that I weigh 135 pounds.

"Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I 'lost
my presence of mind' and didn't let go of the rope. Needless to say, I
proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

"In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This
explains the fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly,
I continued the rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right
hand were two knuckles deed into the pulley. This explains the lacerations
of my right hand. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of
mind and held tightly to the rope in spite of the pain.

"At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the
ground, and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the
bricks, the barrel now weighed about 50 pounds. I refer you again to my
weight of 135 pounds, in block 11. As you can imagine, I began a rapid
descent down the side of the building.

"In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This
accounts for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations to my legs. The
encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I
fell into the pile of bricks, and fortunately only three vertebrae were
cracked.

"I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there in the bricks, in
pain, unable to move, and watching the barrel six stories above me, I
again 'lost presence of mind'; I let go of the rope."

TEXAS NIGHTMARE · 04-10-2003, 07:37 PM

Damn my job is stressful at times but nothing like that, plus I just got back from lunch at hooters, couple pitchers and i'm feelin fine.

Winged_Nazgul · 04-10-2003, 07:40 PM

Yeah, I can see how lunches at Hooters might be stressful.

WWD OLW · 04-11-2003, 04:19 AM

lol to both of those great stories.

Pickle_Puss · 04-11-2003, 05:22 AM

Oye, Golan, not sure if that is a real story, but there is a song by the Corries using the exact same story. Great fun. Its called "the bricklayer". There is also a re-recording done by some american comic, but it is not as funny. As for the jellyfish, I am surprised this hasnt happened to you. God knows it happens to me at least once or twice a summer.

Caslon · 04-11-2003, 05:40 AM

Those divers make some damn good wages if I remember correctly.
Butt swollen closed..occupational hazard...lol.

MonsterTrucker87 · 04-11-2003, 01:58 PM

Wow that is a bad day. His butthole was swollen shut ..
Can't even imagine that.

Deserter · 04-11-2003, 04:22 PM

ack to both... sounds mighty painful, yet funny all at the same time

JimmyTheGent · 04-12-2003, 01:46 AM

If ure having a really bad day, hand this to ure boss, it probably applies to most bosses in I.T.

Mr. X,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options.

You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.

Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never fuck with your sys admin, because they know what you do with all your free time.

Sincerely,

04-10-2003, 06:10 PM	#1 (permalink)
yetix Major Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Bob's Panzer Garage, BFE Arkansas Posts: 3,191	bad day at work damn is it Friday yet? Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: > > Rob is a commercial saturation diver. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to Laughline, who was sponsoring a "worst job experience" contest. Needless to say, she won. Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for 2 days because my butthole was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if... you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt!!! __________________

04-10-2003, 06:43 PM	#2 (permalink)
Winged_Nazgul Sergeant Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Harrisburg, PA Posts: 380	OMFG!!! I have tears right now. I'll never complain about my job ever again. __________________

04-10-2003, 07:09 PM	#3 (permalink)
Đemðlitiðn_Man Master Warrant Officer Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Making GFX art at a location near me. Posts: 1,260	Oww that sounds like a really bad day... __________________

04-10-2003, 07:19 PM	#4 (permalink)
Golan Master Sergeant Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Yorkshire, England Posts: 525	Haha, that's funny. This reminds me of something I saw a while ago about an insurance claim form. Anyway I found it again and here it is..... This is a copy of an alleged letter written to an insurance company that wanted a complete explanation from an injured man who had explained what happened with the words "lost presence of mind". "I'm a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by wheelbarrow, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor. "Securing the rope at ground level, I went back up on the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went back to the ground floor and untied the rope, holding it tightly to assure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh 135 pounds. "Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I 'lost my presence of mind' and didn't let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. "In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued the rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deed into the pulley. This explains the lacerations of my right hand. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and held tightly to the rope in spite of the pain. "At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground, and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed about 50 pounds. I refer you again to my weight of 135 pounds, in block 11. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. "In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations to my legs. The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks, and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. "I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there in the bricks, in pain, unable to move, and watching the barrel six stories above me, I again 'lost presence of mind'; I let go of the rope." __________________ \"I have many leather bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany\"

04-10-2003, 07:37 PM	#5 (permalink)
TEXAS NIGHTMARE First Lieutenant Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: San Antonio, Tx Posts: 1,572	Damn my job is stressful at times but nothing like that, plus I just got back from lunch at hooters, couple pitchers and i'm feelin fine. __________________

04-10-2003, 07:40 PM	#6 (permalink)
Winged_Nazgul Sergeant Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Harrisburg, PA Posts: 380	Yeah, I can see how lunches at Hooters might be stressful. __________________

04-11-2003, 04:19 AM	#7 (permalink)
WWD OLW Command Sergeant Major Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 690	lol to both of those great stories.

04-11-2003, 05:22 AM	#8 (permalink)
Pickle_Puss Master Warrant Officer Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Vancouver, B.C. Posts: 1,053	Oye, Golan, not sure if that is a real story, but there is a song by the Corries using the exact same story. Great fun. Its called "the bricklayer". There is also a re-recording done by some american comic, but it is not as funny. As for the jellyfish, I am surprised this hasnt happened to you. God knows it happens to me at least once or twice a summer. __________________ That light at the end of the tunnel is probably an oncoming train.

04-11-2003, 05:40 AM	#9 (permalink)
Caslon Lieutenant Colonel Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Deep inside the Earth. Posts: 4,803	Those divers make some damn good wages if I remember correctly. Butt swollen closed..occupational hazard...lol.

04-11-2003, 01:58 PM	#10 (permalink)
MonsterTrucker87 Sergeant First Class Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: In a mall surrounded by zombies Posts: 471	Wow that is a bad day. His butthole was swollen shut .. Can't even imagine that.

04-11-2003, 04:22 PM	#11 (permalink)
Deserter General Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Canada Posts: 1,802	ack to both... sounds mighty painful, yet funny all at the same time

04-12-2003, 01:46 AM	#12 (permalink)
JimmyTheGent Master Warrant Officer Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: UK Posts: 1,292	If ure having a really bad day, hand this to ure boss, it probably applies to most bosses in I.T. Mr. X, As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts. 1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own. 2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration. 3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your mistakes.) Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never fuck with your sys admin, because they know what you do with all your free time. Sincerely, __________________ These Pretzels are making me thirsty!