A joke or two

[insinuwait]

Originally Posted by Deathmaker

Either that or he's just fecking bonkers.

YTMND - You are correct, sir!

[insinuwait]

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, Wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer.

The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, But that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it.

The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem. She Picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look, so the nun said, "This is for washing our hair."

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter And put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer. "The curlers are on me."

[hsimah]

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning.
"I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over.
Then, a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.
So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and
there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the home-owner long to
realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??"
"No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the
door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she
says,
"Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the
right thing to help him."
So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs.
He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push??"
And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"
And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing."

[Cøyøte]

Not quite 'a joke' but that depends on your interpretation, truly...

(Working as a manager for a retail electronics business, I have a customer come in with a DVD player in a box, opened)

Customer: “This DVD player doesn’t work. It won’t play my DVDs. Can I get an exchange?”


Me: “Well, lets see if we can get it to work.”
(I take the DVD player over to the AV wall and quickly hook it up to our system. Under 30 seconds to do so, the customer in tow)

Me: “Oh, here’s the problem. It seems that the disc somehow ended up upside down in the DVD player.”
(I flip the DVD over without even looking at the disc or anything and push it back in, turning back to the customer)

Customer: “Oh great! I knew something wasn’t quite ri…”
(Suddenly, coming up on all my TVs, blaring through the sound system that is usually playing a music DVD, comes blasting ‘Bow Chicka-Bow Bow!’ and a rather grotesque scene of cheesy porn. I think it is the fastest I have ever moved, because by the time the first customer turned around to see what was going on, I had the AV cables yanked)

Customer: “Uh… That’s where that went! Heh…” *VERY sheepish look*

Me: “Okay, all fixed. Need me to help put this back in the box for you?”


Customer: “No, thanks. I can do it. Thank you for all your help.”
(I guess I wasn’t quick enough or just the sheer recognition of the music line, because I had two customers laughing very hard and one old lady who walked out very fast)


**************************

Blatently thefted from Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes

a co-worker shared this gem of a site with me earlier this week.

[hsimah]

Wow... I was linked to that site on Monday. It's pure gold.

[NavalLord]

Oh my do I have some dumb ass customer quotes I can put on there.

[hsimah]

The Olsen twins walk into a bar and tell the bar tender
"I'll have an asshurts."
The bartender goes "how do you make an asshurt?"
The twins say "Well Bob Saget hands you a chocolate milk that he just made and you wake up 3 hours later lying on your stomach"

[Cøyøte]

This is NSFW,.. or possibly, younger viewers. Youve been warned, by clicking the following link you take complete responsibilty for your actions, and forgo any options of bitching that 'you were'nt warned'

MatthewGood.org » The Greatest Divorce Letter Of All Time

[Cøyøte]

http://www.applegeeks.com/lite/strips/aglite346.jpg