The thing is a rather sublime production of Rexxie and GeNOc|DE, their powers combined means... nothing in particular really...but we cannot stress enough that Rexxie's mobile phone was NOT involved in the production of this article.

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The ground shook like a washing machine as the thunderous m4 Sherman ripped through the marshy paddy fields of Mainland China. With the two-man tank crew having clearly made a wrong turn somewhere back at Poland they try to make the best of the situation by splashing old ladies who are working in the fields near-by. They are heading for a rendezvous site just west of their position so that they can be air lifted back into the action as soon as possible.

They roar past a small wooden hut and grind to a halt. The tank is shifted into reverse and it backs up to what they can now see is a China shop, selling all sorts of plates and pots. These of course being very rare in China the two decide to step out and have a look. But upon being attacked by some stone figures and a sundial the two hastily continue their journey to the rendezvous.

Everything goes according to plan and they are picked up without a hitch, well apart from run in from an angry Chinese chief with a meat cleaver..but that always happens right? Anyway the two, Espen Sipalot and Adam Turnipmasher, and thier tank are now safely in the air and have been called up to support the falling front line in Tobruk, Libya. "Get yer kit together boys" Growled a burly fella with a burnt out cigar neatly wedged between his brilliant yellow teeth. "We'll get you in there as soon as we can so make ready for deployment" He continued as he shook off some mud from his boot. Adam and Espen exchanged some smirking looks as they watch the commander struggle with his boot to remove the mud. "Whatcha two girls giggling at?? Aint you ever seen a man clean his boots before" Snapped the commander as he smacked the heel of his boot on the door release button of the cargo doors.



"So as I was saying boys, they need you up there a soon as....boys? Dag nabit where'd those two jokers go?!" Trailed off the commander as the doors automatically shut again.

And so they fell. Now fearing the worst (as you do falling from 48 thousand feet in a tank) the two decide to indulge in a last meal. They had a nice leg of lamb, which they bought the following day, half price it was. They soon finished what they thought was their last meal and began to wonder why they hadn't hit the ground yet. Espen opened up the hatch and peered out only to see that they had landed on none other than the Eiffel tower.



"Adam...you know how you said you never wanted to go to France again..." Said Espen

"Yes..." Replied Adam

"Well... um I think you better take a look at this..." Stammered Espen

Just as Adam peaked out of the hatch of the tank, from out of nowhere came an angry mob of French sea gulls, which engulfed the two in a frenzy of feathers.



In the confusion, Espens sandal comes loose and plummets from the tower to the ground below, at quite some shocking speed I might add.



"At least it wasn't a leather one!" Shouted Espen who had one sea gull in a reverse headlock.

And so the battle between the communist resistance sea gulls and the two tank operators continued for...lets say 10.5 minutes longer than it should have done. Oh and of course they were still perched precariously on top of the Eiffel tower, in winds...windy windy winds.

"Espen old chap, did you happen to bring the anti-sea gull pills" Asked Adam as he judo chopped his forth sea gull.

"I don't believe I did no." Replied Espen as the referee counted out the sea gull.

"I only say it because it might have proven useful in our current situation, which I can confidently say is not looking too good." Said Adam as he smacked a sea gull with a steel chair.

"I'd have to ag..." Espen was interrupted by a bombardment of peanuts, which seemed to be coming from the streets below.



Upon hearing this command the rest of the sea gulls withdrew from attacking the two and flew at full speed down towards the attacking elephant.

"Thank goodness those restaurant owners kicked that elephant out of their fine establishment" Remarked Espen as he brushed off some feathers

"Indeed, it was extremely lucky I thought we were goners for a minute there" Replied Adam, who was also brushing off feathers.

So as the two were brushing off the feathers (if I write that one more time I'm going to shoot something with something) things could not get much worse.

"I mean what's the worst thing that could happen?" Adam asked Espen as they tried to figure out a way of getting down off the Eiffel tower.

Before Espen could reply a sudden high wind from...well wherever wind comes from... blew the tank off of the top of the tower sending the two plummeting toward the ground below.

"I'm getting rather tired of falling all the time, if I enjoyed it I would have joined the para regiment not the tank division" Whined Adam as the tank continued to fall.

"Stop your bitching Adam for the love of cream cakes. We are falling to our deaths AGAIN and its all your fault" Snapped Espen as the unlucky two fell some more

"Well I'm sorry then! I would just like to say it has been an honour serving with you" Replied Adam with a tear in his eye.

"I'm sorry too!" Whimpered Espen as he burst into tears.

You would have thought the tank would have hit the ground by now but nah...nearly but not quite...oh...now its really close.

"This is it Espen, good-bye my friend" Said Adam as he closed his eyes.

The two are surely finished now, I can't watch!



Well would you look at that...

"Well that was a close one huh Adam" Said Espen as the two thundered down a cobble stone street away from the tower.

"Absolutely Espen me lado, it was very lucky indeed that the 54th Annual International Bouncy Castle Convention was being held right beneath the tower today" Replied Adam as he waved to no one in particular.

So the most excellent twosome were on their jolly green giant way, and safely on the ground I might add (how long this will last has yet to be seen), heading towards the sun as they once read somewhere that it was the way home or something. This was of course debatable because they thought that following the moon would do the same thing, but seeing how there was no moon they would have to make do with the sun.

Unfortunately a German panzer tank division seemed to be in the direct sunlight with a factor 5 sun lotion on to protect them from those UV rays. This of course spelled grim news to the two tankers who had forgotten to bring their own supply of sun lotion.

Well all that aside, to cut a long story short seeing as there is nothing to do in France apart from visit the Eiffel tower (which they had most definitely done already) and eat croissants (which they had not done after they heard they were the cause of the plague back in... whenever the plague was) the two decided to take a deep breath and some aspirin and go to Disney Land Paris. Not that they two had any real choice after being chased by the German panzer division, then slipping on a French peasant boy's banana skin and rolling to a stop half on the entrance to the park's flower arrangement.



"Wanna go inside?" Asked Adam as he did something that you do outside Disneyland.

"Sure thing" Replied Espen who also was doing something that you do outside Disneyland.

So the two, having finished the thing that they were doing that you do outside of Disneyland, say what the heck and decide to try out a few of the rides. After trying some of those wacky rides that no one seems to know the name of the two are confronted with pure evil...the Mickey Mouse Parade. Although at the time they really didn't think so it seemed...



"I see all the usual "favourites" but where's Donald Duck damn it?!" Moaned Espen as he tried to see his hero.

Meanwhile poor Adam was having trouble not to stare at Mini Mouse as he was convinced she winked at him.

"Ey Espen...I think Mini winked at me man" Says Adam as he nudges his rather disappointed friend.

"Get off me Adam I wanna see Donald Duck!!" Snaps Espen as he strains harder to try and see above the brainwashed children who um happen to be taller than him..yeah.

More sad bums continued to walk past the "stunned" crowd. Jesus, I mean really.

"FOR FUCKS SAKE WHERE IS DONALD DUCK!?!" Shouts Espen as some of the children die hearing this filth.

"Espen!! Get a fucking hold of yourself man. Oh my god did you see that?? She did it again.." Said Adam as he started jumping up and down like a po-go stick.

Now who just happened to be in the crowd with a group of children from the local youth centre but Mr T himself. He heard this kind of language and was not going to stand for it.

"'Cuse me foo's...but u wanna keep yer mouth shut or stop talkin' dat filthly language? Yer corruptin' dem kids minds and I aint gonna stand fer that" Said Mr T, who is by the way, helluva tough.

"Well excuse ME!" Said Espen "We came to see Donald Duck, and he's not fucking here...so if you have a problem with that then you are going to have to drag us out of here!" Continued Espen as Mr T's frown became increasingly threatening.

"Espen what the hell are you doing...that's Mr T man... he's helluva tough.." Whispered Adam as Mr T was just about to open his mouth.

"Dats right I am helluva tough foo' and you kiss yer mother with that mouth sucka? For shame ...I wont drag yo punk ass outta here ima throw yo helluva far instead now come 'ere foo'" Replied Mr T as he advanced towards the two.

Not good.

"Shit run Espen c'mon" Shouted Adam as Mr T waded closer towards them through the children.

The two made a break for the roller coaster and seeing how most of the crowd moved out of the m4 Sherman's way in line they had no trouble getting on the ride.

The ride starts and the two breathe a sigh of relief with the thought of leaving that big shanksta mcnasty on the ground below.

"Thank goodness for that." Said Espen eating a hotdog he had somehow bought along the way.



"Jebus flist I don't know how but he's right behind us Epsen!" Shouted Adam in horror as Mr T gave the two a helluva evil grin.

"Man we gotta get off this ride...look down there! The giftshop! PERFECT!" Remarks Espen as he drives the tank off the coaster.

The tank falls for a while (which really is nothing new is it?) and crashes through the roof of the Disney Land gift shop.

"Wow it was real lucky there was a stack of Pluto stuffed toys to break our fall" Said Espen as he examined some Donald Duck mugs.

"Absolutely Espen me lado, they are even 100% real cotton...which is rare for these kind of places you know" Said Adam as he looked on the washing instructions of the toy.

After much arguing the two came out with only two items, one set of Mickey Mouse ears and a chocolate Donald Duck...which strangely enough got eaten. So the two step outside the door, only to find one helluva pissed Mr T.



"Take dat foo's" Said Mr T as the tank flew through the air.

"Remember kids drink yer milk" Stated Mr T as he walked off drinking a glass of milk.

The tank flew for quite some time or something as the two remarked how tough Mr T was.

"Damn Adam, you were right...that Mr T is helluva tough" Said Espen as he wiped chocolate from his mouth.

WEEEERRRRR BAAAAAAMMM

The tank landed in a cafe and well...the two decided to have a drink.



"More tea Espen?" Asked Adam

"Yes please old chap." Replied Espen as the sun started to set over France

So the two enjoyed the company of a table (which seemed to wobble until they used the Mickey Mouse ears to steady it) and chairs for a while long until they were on their way. Who knows what crazy things they will get up to on the road next time.

To be continued indefinitely ....

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<GeNOc|DE> That thing?
<Rexxie> Yes that mega thing.
<GeNOc|DE> Want me to say it?
<Rexxie> YES!